My Journey by Sean C Amore

My beautiful wife turns 34 today. Her birthday has always been sort of a "marked" day for us. We've never really celebrated the day or done it up right.

Her first birthday that we celebrated together came two months in to our courtship. She turned 30. We had dinner with her friends at a restaurant in Baltimore where I met most of them for the first time. I was very scared. I was the 500-pound boyfriend from DC. They were a clique of very smart, very caustic, very funny people. I don't think I wowed any of them.

Her next birthday was just a week after she got home from the hospital - having almost died. I moved in with her on her birthday. My parents were staying with us (to help take care of Joy while I was at work and to help me move in) and she and I went to a very "romantic" dinner at a restaurant in Columbia.

Joy's next birthday came weeks before the second time I was supposed to have gastric bypass in our relationship. The fine folks at Union Memorial had asked me to do a 30 day "fast" to lose as much weight as possible in anticipation of my surgery (as Dr. Liao explained, ever pound I lost was another %-point closer to safety on the table) and I was about 10 days in. I got a special "waiver" to eat something "sensible" that night. The exact meal that was suggested was some grilled fish and steamed vegetables so I dragged Joy to a random restaurant in Glen Burnie.

By Joy's next birthday, we were living in Connecticut and were new parents. We spent her birthday with my parents and Ava at an apple orchard and pumpkin farm eating fresh donuts and drinking warm apple cider. We had dinner at home. And a Mrs. Field's cookie for dessert.

Last year Joy and Ava dropped me off at the airport for me to fly back to Connecticut on her birthday. We went to lunch that day with her family here in Wichita and then cried most of the afternoon as I faced getting back on the plane and leaving my wife and daughter here while I tried to figure out a plan to get back here on a permanent basis.

It is not that I don't love Joy. I adore her. It is not that I don't want her to have amazing birthdays full of spa days and packages with pretty bows (she DOES get gifts every year, I promise) but her birthday just always seems to fall at the wrong time (I blame her parents, really (smile)) and we have just never really hit a homerun on her special day. It embarasses me.

So what will we do this year? Well - we hope to have "taco night" (a favorite for all three of us) before Joy runs off to class for the evening. Yep. Another "classic" birthday for Joy.

There's always next year, right?! Right?! RIGHT?!

In the meantime, I love you very much, Joy. I hope you have a wonderful day and I hope tonight's tacos are the most delicious 4% fat beef, reduced fat, multi-grain, soft tortilla tacos you've ever had. Complete with veggies, reduced fat cheese, low fat sour cream and full-tilt guacamole (nothing but the finest "green dip" for my ladies).

Here's to the day you turn 34 and to 365 blessed and love and laughter filled days to follow!

Happy Birthday!

Labels: Birthday, Wifey

As I get more serious about walking and trying to move my butt (and my recently-identified-as boney hands) to lose the rest of my weight, I've once again put my iTunes in charge of my weight loss destiny. If only I could find the PERFECT mix . . . anywho - here is your quarterly chance to view inside my warped mindset to see what's on my mind and what's in my ears. Enjoy!

Labels: iTunes, Music, Playlists

Labels: Pictures, Silent Sunday

New Ben Folds on Tuesday. Don't miss it! You can preorder and get the first single now. It's called "You Don't Know Me" and it is a great walking song to have on the ol' iPod!

I'll be posting a new iTunes playlist in the next few days (I have one in draft, I just need to move it to active status). I know that you all live and die by my musical choices (smile).

Anywho - new Ben Folds - check it out!!!!! And you're welcome (smile)!

Labels: Ben Folds, Music

I'm sitting in a Denny's. It's dark out. Really dark. 3:00 AM with clouds blocking the moon dark. The air is thick and sweet with aromas of maple, coffee, pork byproducts and deep-fried potatoes.

I'm with Joy and Hillary Clinton. Bill is late (as per always). We're talking about the sweatpants that I just bought at JC Penney. We're laughing.

I'm waiting on my Moons Over My Hammy with Egg Beaters on dry wheat toast hold the hash browns. Joy is waiting on her Grand Slam and well . . . who knows what Hillary ordered . . . she's mainly just annoyed with Bill at this point. Apparently he has a really, really funny story to tell Joy and me when he arrives.

The food comes. I wake up.

I wonder what it all means. I wonder what the story was.

Now that the journey is "over" . . . I thought I would share a long-held-in-private list of the top ten things I HAVE done since my surgery and the top ten things I have NOT done since my surgery. In approximated order of significance to me - here they are . . .

Labels: Gastric Bypass, Lists, My Life, Personal

I have been going through trying to find some old pictures of me for a project I am working on. Here are a few of the "gems" of the collection.

Note the constant presence of black and dark, dark tones but also note the presence of people that loved and support and accepted me.

These pictures truly humble me and center/focus me on how important is that I not let all that I've accomplished slip.

"Never again." I just keep repeating under my breath

Labels: My Life, Personal, Pictures

Here is a final breakdown of the "math" of my post-surgery journey. Not bad. I fell 36 pounds short of my TOTAL weight loss goal (still lost 247) and I fell just short of my waist goal (I can SQUEEZE in to a 38" if I HAVE to but . . . it's not comfortable by any stretch (pun intended)).

NOTE - I can't figure out how to make this chart larger. My apologies to those who might actually strain their eyes in the process of trying to view it accordingly.

I will get my last pounds off and I will get my waist down in the process. I'm very much at peace with the end results of this journey and - seeing it on paper - realize just what a success it has been.

NOW for the next journey . . . getting the last pounds off and a lifetime of maintenance! God give me strength!

Labels: My Life, Statistics

Today is my 18-month-ary. Yep. That's right. It's over!

I won't (unlike for my Surgarversray) be asking people I know and love and admire to fete me. I won't be overly dramatic and heart-string-plucky in discussing it with you because, frankly, today is a VERY complicated day for me, emotionally.

Here's the rub . . .

It is SCARY to be this far out. I don't remember my pre-surgery life. I really don't. So much has changed since then. We've moved. Ava has learned to walk and talk. Joy is on the cusp of finishing the first stage of school - a 15 year "journey" of her own about to come to an end. I've lost almost two hundred and fifty pounds. 250! Two Hundred and Fifty. CCL - for my friends in Rome!

If it was not ME that did it - I would be in awe of the person that pulled it off. I would want to know all about how they did it and how great they feel and how different life is and what they are going to do next. As it is me that pulled it off though (but for the grace of God and the love and support of some wonderful people) . . . it just sort of scares me.

I'm not at my goal. I didn't "make it" and I don't like to "fail" or "fall short" or "not succeed." I know, I know . . . I did accomplish a ton of wonderful things. I can wear a white dress shirt now without being confused for a vessel competing for America's Cup. I can see my feet. I understand what a healthy portion of food is. I've severed all ties with Little Debbie and her band of delicious treats. I can walk without getting winded. I don't fear stairs. I can RUN around with my daughter and not fear falling and breaking every bone in my body or having my heart just straight-up explode while playing "tag." I've added 20 - 30 years to my life. QUALITY years too (not those lazy-boy sittin', remote control clickin' years I used to dream about (smile)).

But - this is it. I'm on my own now. All the Danbury Hospital did for me and all the prep and all the post work is done. It's my life now. I don't even think about the surgery as part of my diet any more. Sure I still avoid and live in fear of sugar/dumping and I try to not eat fatty foods and I try to avoid the pitfalls of a life poorly fed BUT - let's be honest - I'm not just eating chicken breast and reduced fat cheese any more either. I'm livin' life.

I've spent a lot of time on the mental and emotioal parts of "me." I have done every bit as well there as I have on my weight itself. Shedding a couple of 1,000 pound anger and rage gorillas helps with weight loss and maintenance. I've tried to address the parts of my life that got me to 530 pounds. I've tried to look at who I am, who I've been. My mistakes. My correct decisions and my in-the-middle actions, words and deeds and I've tried to make ammends to those that I've hurt, harmed, ignored and alienated. I'm ready to move on.

SO - it is complicated. I have been given a great tool for living a long and healthy life. I've used it. USED it. And now it is gone. Time for new tools. New strategies. New goals. New discipline. New benchmarks. New outlooks.

Much thanks and love to ALL those (especially my Pop Tart and Bidders McG who, every day, give me two wonderful reasons to be better and to aspire for greatness) who have loved and supported me and for those who have become friends through this blog and this shared journey (much love to my BGBFF Kate, Christine, and Techia, etc.) and my regards, encouragement and admiration to all the people who are through, on or about to start their journey.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my daughter to the park!

Labels: Journey, My Life, Personal

An interesting strategy for managing obesity among state employees in Alabama . . . lose weight or get charged a premium on your insurance rates for it.

Labels: Soap Box